Five years ago I told God I would do anything for His name. Of course, my definition of anything was slightly different from what He has called me to do.
When I said anything, I meant the shallow end of the water. I wanted my feet safely and firmly touching the bottom. However, God called me into the deep waters of a calling I often do not feel ready for in the first place.
Five years ago, I told God He could have me but I made the mistake of giving Him conditions to that calling.
"Lord," I called out to Him. "Use me to reach the lost, the hurt and the broken. I will go where You call, but Lord, please don't make me talk in front of others."
I can almost see God leaning over, smiling as I gave Him the safe parameters to my calling and saying, "Challenge accepted."
For the past three years (at best) I have been speaking and ministering. And every time I get up to speak, I get butterflies in my stomach. I wonder why God called me, an awkward and quiet woman without a theology background and strongly in need of elocution lessons.
In other words, I have a severe Moses complex.
If you aren't familiar with what I mean, let me explain. There's this man in the Bible and his name was Moses. He had a large role in bringing the Israelites out of captivity. Before reading his account, I would have assumed he was a man of confidence and great ability. A man who would have boldly stepped into the deep waters.
However, when God calls Moses to led, he responds fairly unsure of himself. "Pardon your servant, Lord, but send someone else." (Exodus 4:13 NIV)
In other words, can't someone else do it, Lord? Moses goes on to explain, "I can't do it! I am a clumsy speaker! Why would Pharoah ever listen to me!" (Exodus 6:30 NIV)
Oh, Moses, I totally understand your reservations! When God called me to write my book, Walking the Talk, I confidently sat down and began pounding out my thoughts on the keyboard. But I never expected God to ask me to step out deeper and actually speak...in a microphone....in front of actual people....while they stared at me!
And to say I am always comfortable in this calling would be an absolute lie. In fact, I complain a lot to God, asking Him, much like Moses did, why He called me. But here is what I am learning about the deep waters.
God is there in the deep where I cannot stand alone. He isn't looking for the best swimmer, just someone who trusts Him enough to swim out in the deep where they can't touch bottom.
God will provide the necessary tools I need to complete the call. Sometimes it might be in the form of an Aaron or a miracle, but it will be HIM and not me.
Sometimes, I still feel myself desperately wanting to go back to the shallow end, to be an observer of God's miracles, not part of them, but we are all called to share the Good News. We are all called to the middle of the deep in and if we are so brave to swim out, He will be there ready to equip those He called.
What keeps you from trusting God in the calling He has placed on your life?
Sarah is a Christian Author and Speaker. She wrote the parenting book, "Walking the Talk: A Parent's Guide to Intimacy and Healthy Relationships" and maintains the blog A Life Inspired. Her passion is to equip the next generation of families to speak boldly and walk confidently in their faith and charge as parents. You can stay up to date with Sarah on Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest.
Connect with Sarah via her website.
You can also find Sarah's book, Walking the Talk, here.
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